the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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