I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
