you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
