I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
