my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
