You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
