The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need water and some morals
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
