Your dad touched me again.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
