The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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