oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
