HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
