I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
my liver is dry heaving
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
