I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
