I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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