OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
