The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
false alarm. still invincible.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
