stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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