Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
