1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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