I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
