dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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