he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
