also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
