and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
