if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
