How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
