Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
