I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
