You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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