six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
