I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
