Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
