This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
