Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
