would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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