conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
