Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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