since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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