one two three fourrrrnication!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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