we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
