3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
