Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
