I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
