literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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