I feel like abortions should bother me more
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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