I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Randomize
