i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and she was petting her beer can
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just gargled with NyQuil
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
