thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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