I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
