So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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